Reminders
by Epimethiea
Summary: Buffy's life post chosen. Plus a Reminder of someone who may have meant more to her than she was letting on.


I was sitting at my desk working for the watchers council that all the scoobies created. It was simple work. Put all the information from one of the books that survived Sunnydale's demise into a computer system. I never expected it to be that book. I had started interring the vampire names, then there biggest battles, and lastly if their gone/dusted now. The master/gone, Angelus/Angel alive but not a threat unless curse is broken. I then turned to the next page and was hit by the name WILLIAM in all caps and lost my breath. I couldn't breathe I felt as though I was suffocating. I quickly close the book and breakdown in sobs. I am crying so hard I fall of my chair. Then Abigail comes in to see if I'm okay and runs to get Giles. But all I can think is Abigail has the same blue eyes he had and that just makes me sob harder. If it's even possible to cry harder than I am. Giles runs in and tells Abigail to go back to her room mommy's ok. Giles than comes over to me and pulls me into his arms. He rocks me like a father would. He is asking me what happened and all I can say is "Will-William", and he understands and just keeps rocking me back and forth, Back and forth, back and forth. Then my breath evens out and I am struggling to keep breathing but my sobs stopped for now. When I am finally calm enough I take a deep breath and grab the book off the desk. I turn to HIS page and show Giles. "I wasn't expecting to see his face or his name"." I was doing my work like normal. I passed Angel then I turned the page and my breath just caught in my throat and I couldn't breathe". "I didn't mean to scare Abigail But she came in with his beautiful blue eyes and I just couldn't take it". "It is not her fault she has her father's eyes I just became too much. Ha yesterday she asked who her father is and I told her I'd tell her when she was older and she gave me that pout that Spike would always use. I almost did this right in front of her. I'm not ashamed she's our daughter, I just miss him so much its unbearable sometimes but I get through it. Then I just hits me like this. Giles I won't ever get to see his beautiful cheek bones or the way his leather duster billowed around him every time he turned around. I won't ever get to feel his arms wrapped around me in the morning. I won't get to feel that strength he gave me anymore. But most of all I won't ever get to tell him that it wasn't a lie that I actually do love him. Sometimes I just feel like the only thing that gives me strength any more is his beautiful present he left me. Abigail will never be a burden. I love her more than anything I am just glad I got one piece of him then nothing". After my ranting I started crying a little and Giles just started rocking me again. After I settled Abigail came running in like she knew that it was ok now. She ran so hard that she toppled me and Giles over and we landed in a heap. But Abigail knew that I wasn't laughing because it was funny. I was laughing to cover up my pain and be happy for her." Mommy are you missing daddy again". I just nod and show her the picture in the book of her father and she says the one thing that makes me almost start crying again. "Mommy why is daddy not here with us"? It was a simple question really but had such a herd answer that just broke my heart. "Well honey do you remember the big battle that happened before you were born"? She simply nods her head so I continue. "Well your daddy did the bravest thing in the world that day. He saved the world sweetie. He was my champion without a doubt. But to save the world he gave up another important thing. He gave up his life to save mine, Yours, grandpas, the worlds lives." I grabbed my hand remembering his hand and mine." Your daddy didn't know that we had created such a miracle together when he died but if he's were I hope he is then I know he sees you. I want you to know that your father loves you even though at the time he didn't know you even existed. Telling him is one thing I wish I had done but I really hadn't figured it out completely till 19 days after he died. Now I explained your father so will you please stop giving me your worried pout and get to bed before I have to get willow to levitate you in bed". With that she runs off my lap rushing a goodnight mommy before she goes out the door. Giles just looks at me with awe. "Did you really think I just had a sobbing fit, fell off a chair, and gave a speech about a man I didn't love cause you need to rewind a play that scene again if that's the case". With that he bursts out laughing and I join. After we stopped laughing I told him to please go see if Abigail is really asleep. When he agreed and left the room I picked up the book and looked over the page. I just sat there reading about him over again. I then walked over to my computer and started writing about all the good he has done. When I wrote that he died it broke my heart, but I kept writing. When I was finished I took the book with me to bed. Before I went to sleep completely or at all for that matter, I traced the picture and said I Love You William. I closed the book and dreamt happy dreams about our life together and old memories all night. My last though was hearing him say I Love You Too My Angel before everything went dark.


End file.
